The Parable of the Lost Sheep
Growing up I've always heard "The Lord is my Shepard". People around me have flocked to that verse to heal. To find peace. To shine light on darkness. It is comforting. The knowledge that God is leading and protecting you. He gave us that verse to seek him, to know he is there. Sometimes in my life, as sad as it is to admit, seeking him hurt too much. It was easier to become numb, to not seek healing. Like a lost sheep, my Shepard found me and put me on his shoulders and carried me home.
Luke 15 3-6
3. Then Jesus told them this parable:
4."If a Shepard has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn't he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5. And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6. and goes home"
The Fall and Winter after Chases accident he started back to work, our kids started back to school, and I resumed my duty as a stay at home...mom, wife, housekeeper, chef, uber, one woman act! You name it, I'm in charge of it and probably could write a book on how to excel at it. My Summer was full of chaos and healing. I was the Captian of the Looney vessel and by god it wasn't going to sink on my watch. I nursed my husband back to health. I sought out counseling for the kids to help them cope with the fall out of having their life rocked to the core in an instant. I wore so many hats that summer. Every minute had a task and I was on top of it. Chaos can be quit peaceful as odd as that sounds. Its when the chaos stops, and you stand still, and all those hats you were wearing are now hung up for the fall, that's when you lose the false sense of peace, and that ugly shadow deep in our soul seeks light.
I hated the quiet. When it was quiet the volume in my head turned up. All the pain and hurt I suppressed in the summer came crashing through in the quiet. I found peace in the chaos and so naturally chaos emerged in my peace. I never allowed myself to break because if I did, if I admitted to myself I was broken then I would have to take out all those broken pieces and attempt to heal them. The thought of that was daunting and time consuming. You can't Captian a ship and be a passenger screaming and scared. You can't be both. You have to choose one. That Fall I happily unloaded all my passengers and sent them on their journeys safely, kids off to school and Chase off to work. I didn't think about turning around heading home to the quiet and being a Captain alone on a sinking ship. Now I want to scream and be scared.
Attempting to hush the quiet I often wondered down the road to my sisters house. We usually spent days fishing on her lake ( or I guess you would call it casting, because there weren't any fish ever involved in our trips) When Fall arrived and the temperatures dropped my sister began making wool blankets to sale at the Farmers Market and Craft shows here in Northwest Arkansas. She handmade chunky marino wool creations and in an attempt to hush the quiet I started to make blankets with her. We spent most days on the floor covered in wool, keeping our hands busy, and filling her craft studio with laughter and music. Nothing sets the rhythm to a chunky blanket making day better than a little Fleetwood Mac blaring in your ears. Yes! Stevie has been the soundtrack to our sisterhood, so naturally she's always present when we're together.
One day on the floor, covered in wool, Stevie blaring in the background, and feeling so safe and distracted, my sister innocently asked how I was doing. Well shit. Gold Dust Woman wasn't loud enough to stop it, the wool in my hands was no longer heavy enough keep me distracted, here we go! MAN OVERBOARD!!!!!!! I fell apart. Fun fact wool is naturally moisture wicking, so the tears that wouldn't stop rolled right off that blanket in my lap. It was all coming out. As my hands let go of the mast and I began to scream and cry and fall apart the most beautiful thing happened. I realized when God saw how lost I was, how fear lead me away from the flock, how I froze in fear and found safety in that at the same time, He knew I needed him to pick me up put me on his shoulders and carry me home. There in the Studio of Shepards Knot, wrapped in sheep wool like a scared lost Lamb, I let go and let my Shepard guide me. That sinking ship I was so scared of suddenly had a new Captain. My sister like most fishing trips took the wheel, let me fish for peace, and on my Shepards shoulders and in my sisters skilled hands, all three of us navigated our way through the stormy sea through the dark forest.
All of this may sound confusing. am I on a boat? Am I lost in the forest? Why are there no fish on my fishing trips? Who’s Stevie?
Let me clarify. God finding me scared and broken and carrying me home isn’t so black and white. I was lead to healing by him. He lead me to Shepard’s knot (the irony in the name of her blanket business isn’t lost on me Or the fact I was wrapped in wool) so I could find someone I trusted to allow myself to let go, break down, seek healing,(because we all deserve that feeling) and know it’s ok! Mandy has the wheel. I’ve spent years healing my broken pieces. Became wise enough to seek out God when I’m troubled, and trust that he’s got me. still Haven’t caught any fish( I don’t have a fishing hat hung up nor could I write a book on it), and am so sorry if you don’t know who
Stevie Nicks is. Listen to a song called Landslide and you will become equally obsessed with her. Your Welcome.